New Life Foundation | Behind Many Masks
I of the virtually inspiring things almost being office of the New Life projection is having the privilege of hearing the stories that people share most their lives. This spirit of openness is part of what makes the foundation special equally a healing community. Matthieu from Belgium came to New Life because he was suffering from depression and cocaine addiction. He talks to us almost the anger he has to face every mean solar day, learning how to exist vulnerable, and his determination to succeed in his recovery.
What brought you to New Life?
Only to get my life amend, to be aware of my issues and my anger inside me and learn to deal with it.
What have yous learned about yourself since y'all got hither?
That I take much anger within of me and that I wear a lot of masks.
In what way?
Well, I was in prison for a couple of years and I had to wear a tough-guy mask and be tough to survive. Before I came to New Life I realised that I am non actually that person. I am a kind, squeamish, loving person, not a wannabe tough guy, only I was scared that people were judging me so I kept the mask on. Existence here, I can but be myself, people here are non judging you at all and I tin can really be myself: a prissy, kind person.
What happened to the anger?
That'southward still within me but if I'm getting angry I can take hold of it, I notice it. It's pretty difficult to explain. I go really angry on brusque notice simply I calm down in two seconds by just thinking [most] what's happened – "Am I correct?", "Are they right?", "Am I wrong?", "Are they incorrect?", and simply analysing it.
And if they're wrong and you lot are right does the anger go away?
Then what I do is, I ask myself the question, "Why are you lot getting aroused?" Peradventure it'southward an underneath feeling of shame or feet or whatever. It's just my automated pilot, actually, my getting aroused.
So are y'all getting aroused as oftentimes?
[Laughs] Yeah, a couple of times a twenty-four hour period!
How badly do you desire recovery?
Actually badly. I'll do anything for it. It costs what information technology costs.
And what does recovery mean for yous?
To larn well-nigh yourself, to analyse the feelings that yous really accept and how to deal with feelings and deal with who you are.
How'due south it been opening upward to the life coaches, the people in the community, and in grouping sessions?
Actually, it'southward been pretty hard simply I simply do it and [am] merely honest about the life I [have] had. It'due south pretty difficult simply information technology's got to be done.
What's been the hardest office of being at New Life?
To catch my feelings and take off my mask, be vulnerable. This is the hardest matter for me considering I'thou not used to information technology. I used to run away from these things. But not anymore.
So what are the underlying issues ? What'due south beneath the anger, what's below the drug employ?
My father was not a male parent [to me]. He hit me every day. My parents were not there in the right moments.
What are the biggest gifts you've had from the community here?
Just to allow me be myself, that I tin can have these masks off, I don't know how to explain it but that's the biggest gift.
What do y'all call up your biggest claiming is?
Going back to Belgium, that's my biggest challenge correct at present. Belgium is a very small country and I know a lot of people and I have to avoid them and if I run into these friends…they're not friends. Only these friends, yes, the mode that I handle it. If they're maxim how-do-you-do, just say hi and walk past.
What do you desire your life to await like?
I want to travel. I want to have a skilful relationship with my parents and my family. The perfect life is living in Thailand for me, or Asia – yes, that'due south the perfect life for me. I don't know what I would practise. Learn some skills and teach peradventure. Assist people. I want to mean something for the earth, make a divergence.
So what are you going to do after New Life?
Live 24-hour interval past 24-hour interval, be mindful and travel. It's my offset time out of Belgium and at that place's and so much more than than that land and Europe, I only want to run across more of the earth. And myself.
—LM
NB: Interviews and testimonials on our blog take but been edited for length and grammatical accurateness.
Source: https://www.newlifefoundation.com/th/behind-many-masks/